Sensory Overload
by AncienneLuna
Summary: Kiku Honda is a junior in high school, but along with the stress of teenage life, he has recently discovered he has Asperger's Syndrome. Frustrated and trying to cope with his many symptoms, he comes across an unexpected kindred spirit - someone who had worn their mask just as cleverly as Kiku had himself. Is it really not noticeable, or do people just not know what to look for?
1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

 **(Well, I know I've got other fics to update but I really have a lot of ideas ok! I actually took a little poll kinda thing on my Tumblr and this was the most popular of the list~ And since I myself am autistic, hopefully I won't have to do too much research huehuehue**

 **Probably rated T for now? May go up to M for some super-serious topics or something.)**

* * *

Chapter I

 _Sound. Too much sound. Why so loud? Is no one else bothered by all this?_

Lately, something had felt different in his mind. Usually he's able to at least pretend to be at peace in his setting, but these past few days have been unusually difficult. There was no real reason why it would be this way, of course - it was never something easily understood or predicted. An unfortunate thing for a guy like him to put up with, but it wasn't like he could really do anything to stop it. Not anymore. There was no point dwelling in the past, especially in the now, where everyone and everything around him was making him feel unreasonably furious. So furious that, at the moment when a particularly rowdy student shouted obscenities with a laughing group of friends, the flustered Asian boy stood and made to exit the school cafeteria entirely, leaving his lunch and table of companions as he all but stormed through the flimsy double-doors. At that moment, he couldn't care less what peers or staff thought of his leaving without permission; he had to get away, to some place where the noise couldn't reach him. The only real sanctuary accessible to him at the time was the upstairs men's restroom.

After nearly walking right into a pair of tardy 9th graders and narrowly avoiding a confrontation with the guidance counselor, he arrived in the empty bathroom and shut himself into the stall farthest from the door. He didn't have to use the restroom, but he felt comforted by the sense of security that little stall lock gave him. His own little personal bubble - or square, really - where he could finally take the time to rest and collect his scattered thoughts. Everyone was either eating lunch or in class, so he could be assured that the tranquil silence would remain uninterrupted. Letting out a shaky breath, he rested his sweating forehead on the cool, painted metal door, closing his eyes to simultaneously block out the light of the room. He wasn't about to let any little detail get to him here, not in his only safe place. It would be ideal to sit down somewhere, but the toilets had no lids and he wouldn't dare rest on the dirty bathroom floor. But it wasn't long before his resolve wore thin and he leaned against the brick wall, sinking down onto his knees, and finally sitting fully after deeming the floor completely dry. The cool temperature of the stone wall and flooring were such a relief that he actually felt tears beginning to form in his eyes. He couldn't cry now... he'd done so much too often since then...

Since he found out he'd been living his entire life so far suffering from a treatable condition. All that confusion and hopelessness... all of it could have been prevented. He could've had help as early as his preschool years. But apparently it wasn't "obvious enough" to diagnose until recently. They had to let it grow worse and worse until the anxiety was so bad that he could hardly breath, had to let it get to a point where they deemed him "autistic enough" for a proper diagnosis. He felt his sweaty hands curl into fists as that familiar anger resurfaced in his mind. He just couldn't understand why... why they never listened to him. Weren't doctors supposed to listen closely to everything the patient said? They were meant to help treat people, not brush them off and send them away with an increase in anti-depressive meds and a pat on the back. Well, now he was paying the price - now he'd gone so long without help that he's become extremely difficult to treat.

What was worse was the way his family was treating him. He could tell they were really trying, but... they didn't know how. Of course they didn't. He just wished they could be a little more respectable about it instead of assuming how it must be for him. Except that he himself thought the same of autism until recently. It's really not like the media makes it out to be, but what does hollywood actually portray accurately?

As the young student sat with his thoughts, the door to the bathroom suddenly swung open, startling him as the noise broke that fragile silence. Another guy stomped into the room, clearly upset about something. _Best not to bring attention to me..._ he thought as he tried to hide himself as much as possible in what little space he had. From the area between the stall door and the ground, he could only make out the bottom half of the other's legs, but it seemed they were larger and more well-built; if this guy was a jock, and he happened to find someone else in the room... the smaller teen shuddered at the thought. The unknown student paced hastily in front of the sinks, his breathing heavy enough to be heard. He then stopped abruptly, turning to face the mirror as he sighed and turned a faucet. Though he couldn't see, it could be assumed that whoever it was was probably washing their face - did something happen to him? He obviously didn't sound to be in a positive mood. Great, who supposedly stole who's girlfriend now?

As yet another shocking factor, the disgruntled student began to speak to himself. A voice that most anyone in the school would recognize. "Damn... what am I supposed to do? I have a test today... can't just leave..." he mumbled to himself, unaware that someone was listening to him intently. With eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, Kiku Honda, the school's top wallflower, instantly recognized this angry stranger as the ever-popular football player, Alfred Jones. The optimistic, smiley, good-hearted Alfred Jones was now standing alone in the bathroom, sweating and shaking nervously. Alfred had never really picked on anyone as far as he knew... he could only wonder why the usually happy athlete was so upset. "Why now? I didn't do anything... all she did was say hi... why did that do it? I didn't mean to yell at her," he continued, voice quivering as he thought out loud. He sounded like... was he crying? Kiku suddenly felt a bit guilty for hearing words meant to be private. But it wasn't like he could just step out and apologize after he'd already heard so much. "So loud today... I hate pep rallies. Everyone gets too close... too noisy... too hot... wish I could just not show. Do we really have to do this every month?"

Wait. Alfred was complaining? About pep rallies? About... the things he sensed during pep rallies? _No... no, he couldn't be. He's probably just stressed about an upcoming game or something._ After all, how sensitive could he really be if he was playing football? Getting tackled to the ground by dirty, sweaty teenage guys didn't sound to be a particularly pleasing experience. Or maybe he was just really good at hiding it... that would give them something in common, then. However, just as soon as he had entered, Alfred turned on his heel and marched out of the bathroom, accidentally leaving the faucet running in his haste. Just like that, Kiku was alone again, sitting still on the cool bathroom tile, left to wonder what was really on the other's mind.

* * *

Ah, home at last. Finally he could get to his comfortable, _air-conditioned room._ As his siblings filed into the home behind him, Kiku quickly made his way upstairs, ignoring his mother's question of "How was your day, sweetie?". He didn't want to delay any longer than he really had to - his mom would understand if he wanted to be left alone. Although he had many siblings, they were each granted separate rooms - more to keep them all from tearing each other apart than anything else. He was lucky to have such wealthy parents, otherwise he'd never be able to afford his medications. As he shut himself in his room, he once more felt at peace. For once, he didn't mind leaving a bit of a mess, dropping his bag on the floor next to the doorway and lazily kicking his socks off. As it was a Friday, they weren't assigned any homework, so he could take this weekend to fully relax and calm his nerves. Especially after that pep rally... god, those were always his least favorite parts of spirit weeks. The school insisted they have a spirit week every month, to help improve motivation and school pride. Honestly, most students went along with it just because it got them out of 8th period early. But for Kiku, it was like living 45 minutes in an inescapable hell made just for him. They even held a contest between grades to see which was able to scream the loudest... unfortunately for him, it was his grade that ended up winning. The ringing in his ears hadn't stopped since then.

It was their father's pay week, and as per family tradition, they all went out for ice cream right after school. This he actually didn't mind, as the place was usually pretty isolated, and the freezing cold dessert was much needed relief from that sauna they tried to pass off as a gym. Mom was busy with her work, so she wasn't there to badger him about how he managed through his day. She had been doing so every single day since the appointment; the sentiment was appreciated, but he had to admit, it was very, very unwanted. He didn't feel particularly comfortable recounting such trivial details about school, or the work he was assigned, or what his friends talked about at lunch - not that he was there to speak with them much today. After lunch ended, his they hunted him down to make sure he was alright, not knowing about his health issues. He just assured them that it was nothing but a stomach ache - must have been something he'd eaten earlier. Though some didn't seem entirely convinced, especially the imposing German, Ludwig. Though he'd never been one to pry, he did truly care about his closest buddies, and Kiku was someone he'd known for years.

"Are you sure? It must have been bad for you to leave for so long," he'd questioned, a slight suspicious look in his eyes. Feliciano, the third in their close-knit trio, glanced up at the taller student in confusion.

"Ehh? Lud, you shouldn't ask such things! What Kiku was doing in there is his own business!" the auburn-haired Italian spoke up, causing Ludwig to blush in embarrassment. Kiku chuckled at this, comforted by the familiar company.

"Feli, you make it sound as if I was doing something inappropriate," he commented, and it was Feliciano's turn to rethink his words.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that, Kiku! I know you wouldn't do anything so naughty, especially in a public restroom!" Ludwig lightly smacked the back of his head, telling him to be quiet when saying such things out loud. He was right though - one good thing about the bullies in this school was that they were smart enough to know when a rumor would simply be too unbelievable. Kiku was a quiet and modest young man. If anything, they'd tease him for not "getting around" more, as if worth was defined by how much meaningless sex you'd had.

Those two always knew just how to make his day even a little bit better. They even made sure to sit on either side of him during the pep rally, knowing how uncomfortable he was sitting so close to strangers. They didn't even scream along with the rest of their grade, something Kiku was entirely thankful for. Ludwig's deep, booming voice would've surely caused some kind of nerve damage to all sitting nearby. He did, however, take notice of one curious little detail - that little detail being Alfred, who'd been on his mind constantly since the little bathroom incident earlier. He hadn't really paid too much attention to the other before, but now he could really see how awkward he looked among his shouting companions. His smile was very obviously forced, tan cheeks flushed a rosy red as his gaze shifted anxiously among the crowd of cheering students. He looked like he was about to burst. Even Feli took notice of this, pointing out how his face resembled the bright red of a tomato under the unappealing light of the school gymnasium. Kiku had to wonder, though... had he always been like this? Surely other people would've noticed such strange behavior at some point?

As the his family sat leisurely at the outdoor table of the ice cream shop, his sister Mei decided to make conversation with him. "So... I caught you staring at that guy Alfred at the rally today," she began, her voice teasing as she leaned closer to her brother, "you interested in him, hmm? Maybe you should talk to him, he's a pretty nice guy!"

Like he hadn't already blushed enough for one day. He could just feel the heat rising in his cheeks, siblings laughing at his shy reaction. "I knew it! You are soooo totally gay!" Yong Soo shouted, raising his hand high in the air as if he'd just accomplished something incredible. Leon nodded silently in approval at this statement. "So he's the kinda guy you like, huh? Tall, tan, blond, muscular...," he listed off, mentally naming the key aspects of their classmate's appearance.

Kiku shook his head rapidly, regretting it as the vertigo left his head spinning. "N-no! You've got the wrong idea! I was just- he was acting a bit odd, and I happened to notice!" he said truthfully, not wanting to deflect yet another barrage of romance questions. It was like a game among them to try and hook their brother up with some kind of date, even if he was genuinely uninterested in that person altogether.

"Acting odd? What do you mean?" his older brother, Yao, questioned him, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. "He just looked a bit sweaty to me, but everyone was sweating in there."

"Well... I guess he just seemed a bit... out of his comfort zone," Kiku decided to say, not wanting to let slip anything too personal. If he was unwilling to even talk much about himself, no way was he about to disclose such details to his gossip-loving family.

"Hmm... maybe he was just tired?" Mei asked, not able to see the bubbly jock being uncomfortable in a pep rally, of all things. "Anyways, I'm glad it's finally Friday! This week has just dragged on and on, and all I've wanted to do is nap every day! I almost fell asleep in art class the other day too, oh man, Ms. Gillespie would NOT let up on me -"

Ah, there she went. Once she started talking, there was no stopping her. Luckily his brothers were there to listen to her this time, or else he probably would've just turned tail and ran straight home.

They didn't even know the full severity of his diagnosis. Through clenched teeth, Kiku had to explain to them how it was just "mild autism", mentally praying that they wouldn't blow anything out of proportion. Luckily, they seemed to understand, commenting how he must be classified as "high-functioning". Ha. He had almost laughed right in their faces upon hearing that statement. He could barely even muster up the energy to function on some days, yet he was considered better able to function than some others with autism? No. No, he thought, he was just better at pretending he wasn't autistic. Pretending like he wasn't dangerously close to a mental breakdown while reading an oral presentation in front of his class, pretending like the various smells and sights of the cafeteria didn't bother him so much, pretending that the scratchy texture of his winter coat didn't nearly drive him insane whenever forced to wear it.

Allowing himself to fall back onto his bed, Kiku wondered just how many others around him were wearing a similar mask.

* * *

 **End Note:**

 **(Again, I suck at first chapters. All that introductory crap isn't too exciting to write out. Also, I got Dragon Age: Inquisition this weekend since it was on sale through Origin. I had a 4-day weekend, and I told myself "This is my chance to finally write stuff!" but as per usual, video games happened and now it's 8:40 on Monday evening and I have to go take a shower because I have school tomorrow. Ah well, at least it'll only be a 4-day week.**

 **I'm aware that not all people with Asperger's are autistic, but from what I've seen, it's usually the case. Also, not all autistic people have sensory issues, and not all sensory issues make you more sensitive. Some people actually have dulled senses, which can be equally as bad as overactive senses. I feel like Kiku would be sensitive like me, though, considering he's canonically uncomfortable with Feli's crazy fast driving and spontaneous hugging.)**


	2. Chapter II

**Author's Note:**

 **(Just wanted to clarify: I'm not writing Kiku with Asperger's just because I have it and he's my favorite character so I wanted to relate to him or something. I am pretty serious about taking these kinds of headcanons seriously, I don't just throw something like this on a character for the sake of "representation". From his actions and behaviors in canon, Kiku has actually seemed like he's hinted as being autistic? I'm pretty positive that it's not what Hima intended at all, but hey, it's a comedy. Also, I don't think it'd be very practical for a personified nation to be autistic? Not to say I don't want more opportunities for representation, I just don't want it to be randomly thrown in just for the heck of it, you know?**

 **Aaaanybutt, school exhausts me and I like sleep sometimes. Also weekends are usually dedicated to gaming first and everything else second. But I am honestly really happy that so many people have liked this story already! I would write more often, but I honestly get distracted VERY easily. As in, I write like 2 sentences and then watch an entire episode of Game Grumps. But hey, Asperger's can do that to a gal.)**

* * *

Chapter II

"Kiiiikuuuuu! Kiku, wake up!" a peppy female voice tore through the tranquil silence of sleep. After the week he'd had, sleeping in on the weekend was pretty high on his to-do list, so the rude awakening was not well appreciated. Groaning in annoyance, Kiku swatted the intruder away with a weak hand and turned away from them, snuggling into his blanket to block out the light of morning. But it seemed whoever it was wouldn't back down without a fight, as she reached over to grasp the blanket and pull it away from him. "Oh no you don't!" she warned with a teasing voice, "You promised you'd go out to eat with us today! You gotta get out of the house with us more often!" as she continued, she tugged on the covers with increasing strength, making it difficult for a half-asleep teen to hold onto them. But this half-asleep teen was very determined and very, very unwilling to leave the pocket of warmth that had built up underneath his blanket throughout the night. He always felt strangely cold whenever woken up in the morning instead of taking the time to wake up himself.

"Mmm... Mei, please, it's the weekend... I can go out later, just... not now," Kiku mumbled, not even turning to face his likely disappointed sister as he refused to get out of bed. An indignant huff could be heard, but soon after, Mei sighed in resignation and sat herself down on the edge of his bed. Curious, Kiku turned to look directly at her, only to see that her expression was one of sadness, and her gaze was fixed on her lap as she nervously twiddled her fingers. He was tired, yes, but he didn't want to make his little sister upset, especially since she was only trying to help him feel better. Immediately feeling guilty, he sat upright and scooted over to Mei's side. "I'm sorry, Mei - it's not that I don't want to spend time with all of you. I've just had a pretty stressful week, and I think it'd be best to get some sleep before I end up getting sick," he explained, smiling warmly as she looked back up at him. She smiled softly in return, though that tinge of negativity still remained in her expression.

"I know, you're right. I just don't really know what to do. I feel too bad leaving you all alone while the rest of us go out and have fun together. I feel like... like I'm not a good sister if I don't include you," she admitted, once more looking away from her older brother's concerned face as she tried to explain her feelings. "You've always been the type that likes being alone, and I get that - but it just doesn't feel right, leaving you here while you're feeling so stressed," she finished, shoulders slumping as she let out a deep breath. Kiku hadn't realized how much thought she must have been putting into him, and he wondered if the rest of his family had been feeling the same this whole time. Despite their efforts, none of them truly knew what to do to help him in this situation; honestly, even Kiku himself had no idea what could really help him cope at this point. His own actions and feelings weren't making sense, they contradicted one another. But it wasn't his family's fault for not knowing, and the fact they were trying was enough to quell that sense of loneliness somewhat. Placing a comforting hand on Mei's shoulder, he tried to reassure his sister that she _was_ helping him, even if it didn't seem like it on the surface.

"It means a lot to me that you care enough to try and help, even if you don't know what to do. That in itself is help enough," he said, rubbing his thumb gently on her shoulder to further cheer her up. "We could go out for dinner instead, if you'd like. That Italian place that Yong Soo likes so much," with the suggestion, Mei smiled excitedly once more, glad to hear that her sibling was still willing to dine with his family. Nodding happily, Kiku was reassured that her mood had improved once more.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect! I'll just let mom and dad know, I'm sure they'll have no problem with it!" she returned, standing up from the bed and walking towards his bedroom door with a bounce in her step. "Get some good sleep, bro! Tonight we're gonna have a big ol' Italian feast!" and with that, she left Kiku in the quiet of his room, the air becoming still in the peaceful morning light streaming in through the curtained windows. It amazed him how different he was when compared to the rest of his relatives; they were all sociable and fun-loving people, often going out to parties with friends or indulging in the usual neighborhood gossip. Mei was constantly texting friends on her phone, talking day in and day out about various hobbies and drama. Yong Soo was rarely home, choosing to spend his free time in the company of his close buddies from school, sometimes spending an entire week at someone else's house. Leon rarely left home, but he was practically physically bonded to his laptop and phone at this point and lived exclusively in his room. Don't even get him started about Yao.

Well, now that he had some quality alone time, he might as well try and get some work done. Not schoolwork of course - this work was much more enjoyable, and ultimately worth the time spent to complete it. Yes, this little assignment was solely for personal interest. With so much free time left to himself, Kiku had developed quite a wide range of hobbies, from astronomy to gardening to archery to writing. Recently, he had been adding to a particularly lengthy story he'd dreamed up one rainy Thursday afternoon. Though it could prove frustrating at times, nothing felt more satisfying than typing up those last few words in your latest chapter. He could look back at all he'd written down and truly feel proud of what he'd accomplished, even if he wasn't talented enough for a best-selling novel. With all those anti-depressants, his vivid dreams provide for some interesting ideas. That's one of the few pros of the side-effects, going right alongside the con of infuriating insomnia. Ah well, wasn't like he managed a decent sleep schedule without them.

Sitting down at his little wooden desk, he opened up his laptop and pulled up the .doc file for his story. He always liked to read over what he had previously written in order to get back into the flow of the plot. This particular story was set in a dystopian society on Mars. The protagonist, a curious young man with a prosthetic leg, is attempting to uncover the dark secrets being kept by the planet's government, all the while avoiding an unknown, deadly disease that's spreading around the community. While the plot may not be the most inventive, Kiku was pleased with the work he'd done, and he felt the characters really had depth to their personalities. Even if he's not the most social guy on earth, he had taken the time to study subjects related to human characteristics to better write realistic development. He was no expert, but he felt his writing had improved.

Kiku's brow raised slightly as he realized the story had come to a pivotal moment in the plot. The protagonist had just infultrated a high-security prison, searching for a war veteran that could provide the identity of corrupt officials. After worming his way through cramped air ducts and knocking out a few guards, he had accidentally allowed himself to be spotted darting through a darkened hallway. A young, inexperienced guardsman caught sight of the intruder and raised his stun gun in warning. Hands shaking, he ordered the hero to put his hands up and drop any weapons he might be carrying. The hero, seeing how young and afraid this man was, did as he was told in order to ease the tension between them. He tries to explain why he is here, giving vague details regarding the mysteries surrounding the colony's leaders. The young guard, upon hearing these words, drops his gun and quickly offers to help, having suspected corruption after his father had gone missing investigating those same cases. It was then that the protagonist finally gained a partner, and from then on, the two would work together.

Smiling softly to himself, Kiku remembered what he had planned for the courageous duo. Throughout the entirety of the story thus far, many beautiful and intelligent women had crossed paths with the charming protagonist, clearly taking interest in him romantically. Every time, he simply treated them as friends, never once trying to go any further with any of them. While some may think him humble or modest at first, the truth was much less complicated. The hero was not interested simply because he was not looking to date women at all. The enthusiastic guardsman, however, catches his eye soon after their meeting, and love begins to bloom between the two as they fight against the world side-by-side. Yes, his idealistic protagonist was gay.

A reflection of the author, Kiku thought to himself. As if being autistic wasn't bad enough for his reputation, he had also found out he was gay about 2 years ago. So far, he'd been able to keep it a secret, though he wondered sometimes if his family had caught onto him at some point with the way they try and hook him up with guys at school. There was so much he had to hide from the world... he hated how fake he felt around other people. He hated his mask, but knew he wouldn't last without it.

* * *

"And what can I get for you folks this evening?" a peppy waitress asked, in a good mood despite the large amount of customers she had to cater for.

"Ah, the wife and I will be having some fettuccine alfredo," the oldest man replied, his smile bright. He then pointed to each of his children, specifying what food they all would like to eat. "She'll have some baked ravioli... he'll have spaghetti with meat sauce... these two will both have deep dish pizza... and he..." the dad trailed off, finger left pointing silently at the last remaining son. "Sorry Kiku, what did you want again?"

 _Great. Thanks for remembering everyone else's orders, dad._ "O-oh, uh," the quiet teen stuttered, his sister giggling lightly at his nervousness, "I'd like the... classic rigatoni, please!" he said quickly, having to shout for his voice to be heard above the chatter of the Italian restaurant. Nodding, the waitress scribbled something on her little notepad before she was called over to another table, leaving the family to themselves once more. Kiku sighed and sank a bit lower in the booth, face red from embarrassment. "Please stop laughing, Yong Soo," he mumbled, said brother's hand falling from his face to reveal a wide grin. He really wasn't as discreet as he thought he was.

"Aww come on, lighten up bro! Ya don't have to be so tense all the time!" he exclaimed, waving a hand as if to brush away the other's anxiety. "Ya won't get anywhere in life if you're too afraid to even order food!"

Almost immediately, their parents turned to chastise their son. "Yong Soo!" their mother called out, sending worried glances over to Kiku as she spoke, "That isn't a very considerate thing to say to your brother. Apologize to him, or Leon will be getting an extra pizza for dinner!" Yong Soo's expression fell, fear evident in his eyes at the thought of giving up his pizza. Everyone else was attempting to hold in laughter, even Kiku finding it difficult not to smile. It was Yong Soo's turn to be embarrassed, looking back to Kiku with a nervous expression.

"Sorry, Keeks! Really, I didn't mean ta be rude or anything!" he blurted out, Yao giggling at his siblings' exchange. He really hadn't meant for his comment to be taken in a negative way - he just had a tendency to speak before thinking sometimes. Not to mention the fact that Kiku had hid the full extent of his condition from them. He had a sinking suspicion that they would not react too well... although, he had a feeling Leon would be the most sympathetic.

Leon tended to keep to himself, which was something they had in common. If Kiku was ever bullied or picked on, Leon would always think up some way of getting them back with an elaborate prank. Although Kiku didn't typically condone such devious things, he couldn't deny the satisfaction of watching his bullies run screaming from the locker room with no pants on, covered head to toe in shaving cream and artificial feathers. It was totally worth being scolded by their father for about 4 hours straight the following day.

"Apology accepted, Yong Soo," Kiku replied teasingly, though said brother visible relaxed slightly as he was let off the hook. Their parents merely rolled their eyes, used to their childrens' antics. Though it would be appreciated if he wasn't made to make his own orders in front of the whole family. He had a gut feeling that his dad was only pretending to have forgotten his order.

As he thought that, a shock of yellow darted past in the corner of his vision. No one else seemed to notice, so he turned out towards the restaurant to see what it was. This place was rather classy, deep reds and dark wood prevelent in all the décor. Modt of the customers were dressed in mature clothing, sporting the same dark shades. Seeing such a bright color was a bit surprising here...

"Huh, I didn't know Alfred worked here," Leon spoke up suddenly, following Kiku's line of vision. Yao and Yong Soo both turned to look as well, Mei too distracted by her group Skype conversation to notice. "He looks a bit... outta place. Like the enthusiastic teen volunteering in a nursery home," the youngest brother continued, sipping on his soda as he observed Alfred, who seemed to be working as a waiter. Oddly enough, he seemed right at home in that environment, smiling warmly and making friendly conversation with customers. Since yesterday, his unusually angry outburst in the restroom and nervousness at the pep rally had been weighing hard in Kiku's mind. Was it merely wishful thinking to hope that, somehow, Alfred had been masking something as well. But really, would it matter if he was? Alfred was the intelligent, athletic, super-attractive quarterback that captivated the entire school, and Kiku was just...

Wait. "Super-attractive"? _Ok, time to take a step back, Honda._ Especially because said super-attractive jock was waving in his - no, their direction. Yong Soo waved the boy over happily, Leon throwing up a peace sign and Yao feigning disgust. He looked to be in much better shape today, his tanned face glowing a healthy, light pink as he approached. Maybe he had just been in a bad mood after... whatever it was that upset him so much. Turning away, Kiku tried to hide his face from the much taller classmate, feeling almost unworthy of meeting his gaze. Now standing besides the family's booth, he nodded politely in greeting to the welcoming parents and directed his attention to his closer friends. "'Sup, guys? Wasn't expectin' to see you all here!" he began, gesturing to the rustic interior of the humble Italian restaurant. "Any special occasion, or just havin' an evening out with the family?" he inquired, and Kiku could briefly feel the blond's eyes fix on his fidgeting frame before returning to the others. Mei, having finally noticed him, smiled happily up to Alfred as she nodded in agreement.

"Yup, just having a little family dinner. I had no idea you worked here, Al! How long have you had this job?" she asked, already preparing a string of questions in her mind. Alfred slipped his empty serving tray under his arm and raised the other to his face, adjusting his half-rimmed glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, I just started here this past winter break! It pays better than most other food joints," he replied, Leon and Yao both exchanging looks at the mention of better pay. I can imagine what those two will want to apply for next...

"Really? That's awesome! These old folks must pay bigger tips, huh?" Yong Soo said, rubbing his hands together like some cliché greedy businessman, earning yet another scornful glare from mother.

"Ha, you got it! Plus, they can be a lot nicer than those dudebros at Applebees or something, so it's not so awful," Alfred explained, shuddering humorously at the mention of Applebees. Leon nodded grimly in agreement.

"I feel ya, man. Glad things'r working out for ya," he spoke softly, still not entirely used to being casual friends with upperclassmen. Although he is rather close to his best friend's siblings, all of whom are in Kiku's grade or older. For just a moment, Kiku dared to look up at the optomistic teen, and something odd once more caught his trained eye. Alfred noticed the movement and looked down at Kiku, and their eyes met for the first time since they'd been going to school together. Though he expected the polite smile, he hadn't been expecting those strong emotions in his deep blue eyes. All of a sudden, all of the grinning and laughing looked unmistakably forced, his easy-going attitude just a misinterpretation of apathy. That look... was extremely unnerving, and yet very, very familiar. Something flashed in those dark eyes, and Alfred quickly looked away, like he had just snapped out of some sort of trance.

"Ah, thanks Lee! Sorry, I've gotta jet, the boss'll kill me if I slack off during dinner rush. See ya guys later!" he said a little too quickly, turning on his heel the same way he'd done in the restroom, and walked back into the kitchen without waiting to hear them say goodbye. Yao now held a look of suspicion on his face, but he simply shrugged it off and went back to eating his salad.

Why was he acting so strange? What the hell happened to him? These questions were burned into Kiku's mind all throughout dinner, in the car ride home, and in bed that night as he lie awake, haunted by the glare of ocean blue eyes as the family left the little Italian restaurant. His mask was cracking, but what was the cause?

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **(Wow. Sorry this took so long when it really shouldn't have. I got Dragon Age: Inquisition... you can understand why my free time was completely devoted to video games. Also school. And I am sick right now... my poor throat... aching bones... I feel 80 years old. Ah well, I hope you aren't too disappointed in this chapter! The beginning chapters aren't always the most... exciting. Also I'm not so good at writing dialogue?)**


	3. Chapter III

**Author's Note:**

 **(I've been thinking of ways to describe sensory overload to people that have never experienced it. It's a physical sensation, but at the same time it feels mostly emotional. It's frustrating and distressing beyond words. I don't know how to really explain in a way others will understand - I guess it's similar to that awful feeling you get when your nails scratch chalk. It makes you shudder and cringe, right? Sensory overload is like that spread throughout your whole body for an extended amount of time. Along with irritation, anxiety, inexplicable anger, and overwhelming urge to cry. It makes me upset when my friends at school don't respect my sensitivities - especially regarding lunch. High schoolers can be so... disgusting. I don't know how they can stand themselves.)  
**

* * *

 **Chapter III**

 _"Kiku, what's wrong? Please don't be mad! I didn't mean to get it in your eyes!"_

 _"Yong, just leave him alone! You're making it worse!"_

 _"Just say you're not mad, Kiku! Please say you aren't mad!"_

 _Shut up. Shut up. Shut up._

 _He didn't know what was happening to him, and frankly he didn't need to. All he knew was that he couldn't handle anything. The sights, the smells, the sounds - god, the screaming at his door just wouldn't stop. If only Yong Soo could take a damn hint for once and leave him be._

 _It started slowly. Playing at the park, the same playground that they visited so often, when the heat began to make him irritable. His mother had scolded him and reminded him to be kind to his siblings, which only served to increase his anger. Then, it was the sand; the crusty sand piled up in the sandbox was sticking to his legs and arms, and no amount of scrubbing or scratching could get it off. The rough sensation of sand on skin was infuriating in a way he couldn't quite describe, made all the worse when it found its way into his socks and shoes. The smell of heated, cheap plastic wafted from the playground equipment, creating a subtle scent that other kids couldn't even pick up on. For Kiku, it was positively sickening - he couldn't even eat lunch due to the nausea he had felt. Then, as if things couldn't have possibly gotten worse, Yong Soo had accidentally flung a handful of grass that blew right into poor Kiku's eyes. The sudden sharp sting was just enough to set him off, shouting and screaming at his younger brother as he stood and ran from the playground, locking himself into a stall in the park's restroom facility._

 _Yong hated it when people were upset with him, so obviously he begged and pleaded for his sibling to forgive him and come back out to play. Usually, those big puppy-dog eyes worked wonders on the young Kiku, but this time was drastically different. This wasn't a feeling that he could simply push to the back of his mind as he usually did. No, this was an all-encompassing state of mind, preventing him from thinking of anything else. If only he could actually manage to explain his situation. Unfortunately for him, words weren't something coming easily for him in that moment. In fact, he came to the realization that all he wanted to do then was act. But what could he do? What did he_ want _to do?_

 _He wanted to make Yong shut his big mouth. Frustration morphed into pure rage in a single instant. Anything to get him to shut up._

 _Chubby hands clenched into fists. "Are you okay in there? Uh, I can get mommy if you're hurt!" Trembling fists reached out to the stall lock. "I'm so sorry... really, I am!"_

 _With a swift pull, the door opened. Yong Soo's big eyes lit up as he smiled. The happiness was short-lived, of course, as seconds later, he was lying in a heap on the cool tile floor, clutching his face in shock. Blood was seeping out of his nose, a clear indication it had been broken. As his mind caught up to the present, he began to sob in pain as his entire head began throbbing violently._

 _He still wouldn't stay quiet? After this? Would he have to resort to sewing the boy's mouth together?_

 _Mother and father rushed towards the restroom, terror in their eyes as they feared for the safety of their beloved children. Bystanders stood in confusion, parents grabbing their kids in case the situation required them to flee. As the couple neared the entrance, a sudden shout arose from their destination. Panic surged as they recognized that voice._

 _"GOD, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!"_

 _The doctors just wrote it off as irritability due to intense summer heat. He was sent home in a mess with a doctor's recommendation to "take it easy" and a complimentary note to hand to his gym teacher. Yong Soo, on the other hand, left with bandages covering his bloody nose and two black eyes. They all acted like it was his fault... it's not like he wanted to hurt his brother so badly! Why do they never believe him...? Will anyone ever believe him?_

 _"I hate you! Get away from me!"_

* * *

"Yoohoo...? Earth to Kiku? You in there, buddy?" an airy voice called out, a tanned hand suddenly waving in front of his unfocused eyes. Ah, he must have zoned out again. Blinking a few times, Kiku turned to face his concerned friends, their lunches sitting forgotten on the table in front of them. He scratched the back of his neck, a bit embarrassed that he'd gone silent in front of them like that. Again.

"Sorry, were you saying something? I'm afraid I really wasn't paying much attention," he admitted, slightly relieved as he saw them relax at his reply. Feliciano laughed lightly, the corners of his eyes wrinkling as he smiled. Ludwig merely sighed, shaking his head and beginning to work on his meal again.

"No, it's nothing! You just looked kinda funny, staring into space like that. You need to get more sleep, Kiku!" Feli chided, pointing his finger in the air as he lectured his friend. "You're always working on schoolwork, even though you get such good grades! No wonder you're so anxious all the time," the curly-haired teen continued, placing a hand firmly on Kiku's shoulder to show his good intentions.

Honestly, that was partly true. His sleep schedule had never really been the most... effective. It would be, if school just so happened to start at 2:47 in the morning. Lack of sleep didn't exactly help to reduce anxiety. Oh wait, Feli and Lud are still there. "The reason I have good grades is _because_ I work so much, Feliciano," Kiku replied, earning a little pout from his Italian classmate. Such a cute face for a high schooler; youthful and yet mature at the same time. "I sleep as much as I'm able to. Nobody feels rested when they have to wake up so early every day," he said, earning a stiff nod of agreement from the stoic blond seated on Feli's other side. He wouldn't be able to achieve very restful sleep if he was kept up at 3 am stressing over upcoming assignment deadlines, after all. Then again, he didn't sleep very soundly regardless; oftentimes he found himself stressing at 3 am for no particular reason at all. This, in turn, affected his ability to perform his best at school, which added actual stress to the just-because stress, making that 3 am stress last until 4 am, which left him even more sleep-deprived that before...

"Uh... are you sure you're alright, Kiku? All this spacing out isn't like you at all," Ludwig suddenly spoke up, quickly bringing Kiku back to the present, where he noticed his two friends were staring at him in concern. Oh, it happened again - he hadn't even realize that he'd zoned out. Was it getting worse, or was he simply taking notice of it more now that he knew about it? Kiku simply waved his hand dismissively, not wanting to trouble his friends with any of his personal problems.

"Sorry, I'm fine. Just... have a lot on my mind lately," he said, not meeting either of them in the eye for fear they could see through his blatant lie. Ludwig seemed unconvinced, but decided to drop the subject, shushing Feliciano when he attempted to dig deeper. For such a stiff guy, Lud sure knew how to deal with these touchy situations. "Anyways, I don't believe I've asked how your weekends were?" Kiku continued, eager to change the subject. Feliciano perked up once more, eyes sparkling brightly as he recalled the events of the past 2 days.

"Oh, we had such a good time, Kiku! Grandpa Rome came over to visit family, and he stayed with us the whole weekend! We had traditional Italian foods for dinner, and played instruments together, and painted together and - oh oh, we even went shopping! Lovi was so shy, but he is really very stylish! He was very happy to pick outfits with Grandpa~!" Feli exclaimed, barely taking a single breath as he blurted out the highlights of his weekend. Both Kiku and Ludwig were smiling at their friend's enthusiasm; it really was sweet, how he cared so deeply for his family. They had met this "Grandpa Rome" once before, when he had come to visit during Easter. He was quite the eccentric man, with passionate hobbies and a playful demeanor. Though he was actually their uncle, Feliciano had been calling him grandpa since he was able to speak, and now it's become a sort of nickname. Sadly, he lived back in Italy with their mother's side of the family, so he could only visit on holidays or birthdays. Whenever he came by, Feliciano was sure to spare no details in recounting what happened. "Lovi's too embarrassed to wear his new clothes to school though - but he looks so dashing! Ah, and Grandpa Rome had to leave early for his work... I want to go back to Italy to see him and my momma's family sometime! Oh, and you two should come, too! Italy is so very pretty, I'm sure you guys would love -"

 _CRASH_

"GOD, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!"

All noise in the cafeteria ceased, heads turning to the source of the sudden commotion. Feli jumped in his seat, a little squeak emitting from his throat as he was stopped mid-sentence. Kiku's eyes widened as the memories flooded back into his mind for the fourth time that day. Ludwig muttered in German under his breath, something that was probably not school-appropriate. Shaking slightly, Kiku shifted in his seat and turned around.

Standing at the table closest to the windows, the football jocks and their cheerleader girlfriends sat in stunned silence, staring at the broken lunchtray lying in the aisle next to them. Above it stood none other than Alfred Jones, his face burning red in shame and embarrassment. His eyes darted between his friends and the spilled food beneath him, as if he had just snapped out of a trance and couldn't process what he had been doing this whole time. Lunch aids stood at the sidelines, ready to intervene the second that things turned violent.

Yet for several long, painful minutes, the school was still. Nobody moved a muscle, eyes transfixed on the quivering blond as they waited to see what would happen next. Kiku felt a slight ache in his chest, almost a sense of sympathy for the feelings Alfred must be experiencing as his classmates glared at him as if he'd lost his mind. Slowly, one of the guys on the soccer team reached out to his friend, not wanting to anger him all over again. "Hey, it's cool, Al - we can getcha another lunch, 'kay?"

Alfred simply stood there, and for a second it seemed he hadn't heard what the other had said to him. As the boy opened his mouth to speak once more, however, Alfred suddenly jerked away from his touch, gaze fixed on the floor. "N-no! No, it's- I'm not- not the food," he stuttered softly, which earned a round of laughter from the other students in the lunch room. Feliciano looked around at his peers, clearly upset.

"Why are they laughing? Alfred looks very upset!" he spoke quietly, voice barely audible above the roaring voices around him.

"Haha, dude, are you high or what? 'I'm not food'? What's up with you, man?" A rather large senior chuckled, the girl next to him laughing behind her hand. The entire table was attempting not to smile, but failing miserably.

Alfred didn't respond. His face was still downturned, but his face was practically glowing at this point. It actually seemed like he was about to cry - if he wasn't already.

This was much too familiar. The other kids laughing, standing immobilized before them, nowhere to escape to... he couldn't just sit here and let this happen to someone else. Even if that someone has barely said a word to him before. Taking in a deep breath, Kiku mustered up all the courage in his little teenage body and stood up from his seat, glancing assuredly towards his friends as he made his way over to where Alfred stood. Seeing that someone was approaching them, the jock table quieted down, and Kiku had to try his hardest to ignore their judgemental expressions. Without a word, Kiku reached out, grabbed Alfred's wrist, and walked him down the aisle and straight out of the cafeteria, the taller students offering surprisingly little resistance as he was dragged away from his classmates.

The doors closed behind them, and Kiku could hear the sigh of relief behind him as he continued down the hallway towards the library, knowing it would be empty during lunch. He never once slowed down, nor did he release the still-shaking wrist in his grasp, but Alfred didn't seem to mind the physical contact very much.

Entering the vacant library, Alfred's body seemed to relax a bit, and he sighed as he let the silence ease his nerves. Kiku realized he was still holding onto his arm, and he quickly let go, blushing as he reflected on the way he approached the other so easily. What must everyone think of them after seeing all that? Will Alfred be bullied for this? Has anything like this outburst happened before?

"Uh... Kiku, right? Are you... uh, are you okay? You're kinda staring a-at me," said American questioned, smiling slightly as he approached his "hero".

"Wha-? Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to stare, really! Ah, and I should be the one asking if you're okay," Kiku spluttered, tearing his eyes away from that friendly smile and mentally scolding himself for getting lost in thought so often. Terrible, terrible habit.

"Me? I... I think I'll be fine. Y'know, I'm not one to get angry, it's just- I try to avoid it, but some days are hard! Everything just gets to me too much, but nobody else gets that, like I try to explain that I need space but they take offense like it's their fault a-and I just got so frustrated!" Alfred explained, voice cracking as emotion overwhelmed him. Again, that familiar feeling...

Before he could respond, Kiku noticed Alfred had lost focus, face draining in color to a light pink in a matter of seconds. He quickly reached out to offer support, afraid that the poor guy might pass out right in front of him. "Maybe we should sit down," he offered, receiving a stiff nod in return. He carefully led Alfred over to the nearest seat and let him rest against the soft cushions, and he pulled up a nearby stool for himself as the blond caught his breath.

"Thanks, man! You're a total lifesaver, you know that? Oh, actually, that's what I wanted to ask ya: why did you help me back there? I mean, I was the one that shoved that tray off the table - I was the violent one, but you helped me..." he trailed off then, fiddling with his hands nervously.

What could he possibly say? _"Oh, well I've been struggling with this new diagnosis for a while now, and I just happened to notice that you have similar traits, and I thought that you might also have the same diagnosis and I could somehow help you out despite not knowing how to cope with it myself"_? Reassuring, Honda.  
"How could I not help? It wasn't very nice of them to laugh at you like that, I just didn't want you to get hurt," he decided to say, but Alfred merely raised a brow in disbelief.

"Really? I mean, that's awfully generous, but we haven't really... talked much. Like, ever," he added, brushing his disheveled bangs away from his eyes. "It's okay, you can tell me! I'm not about to make fun of the dude that just saved my sorry ass."

It was tempting. So painfully tempting to just tell him everything. But talking was never easy for him, so he decided to cut it short. "I just... I saw you standing there, in the middle of all those people, and I felt- I felt we had that in common. That feeling, I mean. That feeling that nobody else could possibly understand, and it seems impossible to express in words alone, but it's stronger than anything you've felt before, louder than all the other thoughts in your head, and sometimes it makes you feel so lonely when people don't get it, and- and you get angry, do something you'll probably regret, and suddenly you feel like you're only person in the world..."

Shit. _Where did all that come from?_ So much for cutting it short.

Kiku immediately shut his mouth, entire body tensing as the embarrassment hit him like a brick wall. Oh god, did he really just say that? And here he was hoping that he could make a new friend in Alfred.

"Oh my god, you... hell, I wish I could explain it the way you do! I'm getting all emotional over here, dude!" Alfred exclaimed, wiping at his eyes as he looked up excitedly at the other teen. "You really do know what it's like! Do you have any idea how hard it's been? I have no one to talk to about all this stuff, I feel like everyone would just look at me like a crazy person. Now I can finally talk to someone like me!"

Kiku felt his stomach drop. _"Like me"_...? He can't mean...

"Oh, I mean- you were talking about autism, right?"

* * *

 **End Note:**

 **(Why did this chapter take so long to write, you ask? Well, I'm not saying names, but SOMEONE *squints eyes* has been playing too many video games and procrastinating in her free time. It's me. It is a me that has done a bad.**

 **No, I'm not putting this fic on hiatus or anything. I'm just very irregular with my updates. But you should totally leave a review if you have something to say about my lil fic here! OuO)**


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